Manisha Koirala

It’s been an adventure of trial and error and learning through pain and heart-break with my personal experiences in relationships. I have often wondered  is there an easier way to find true love? And If love is something so fundamentally important to us, then why is it that we have so many issues and misunderstandings in the area of finding it?

I think the answer is simple, that most of us have never been educated on this or do not have clarity on what we TRULY want. The virtue of sacrifice and guilt of valuing ourselves eventually creates confusions and unhappiness… I discovered that once I started to truly love myself, focussing on my own inner peace and wellness (means when we prioritise our passions,purpose and our true self) then we are functioning from far more attractive place, and will more likely find mate who will honour us rather than getting us in a confused, lost, loss of self respect and zero confidence state.

Well, even though that perfect person we are looking for may not exist, the journey of self-exploration is an exercise to know ourselves and our deep values.  So let’s look into what we really want in a partner? Get clarity into details like physical attributes, values, lifestyle, financial views, spiritual beliefs, personality traits, hobbies, abilities, age, habits, profession, tastes, etc. We should also know what kind of person will honour our very being, will acknowledge us and fulfil our realistic expectations, while fitting in one common frame.

Deep down, we are all really good people. But this doesn’t mean that any combination of two good people will make a good partnership. We should focus on the celebration of love and partnership rather than focussing on our insecurities and ego games. At times, even when we realize that our relationship isn’t a good fit, we just stay in it for logical reasons or convenience. Or we may be afraid to be alone, so we simply settle by the default. Each time we are reminded of the bad fit, we brush it under the rug and distract ourselves with some other thought. We think that finding someone to love is more important than anything else but we may be wrong! Also we should consider that we may not actually need all of these qualities in a partner to be extraordinarily happy.

So this whole fancy portrait of being in love, essentially should begin with empowering and loving our own selves. Instead of “falling in love” let’s “grow in love”. Let us strive to find a person who will enhance our being and vice a versa so that we live happily with clarity and inner integrity. And let us focus on being self-sufficient and desirable in our own ways. Here’s the thing for Valentines this year, start the quest by becoming a rightful partner, instead of looking for a perfect partner!

Manisha Koirala is a cancer survivor, Bollywood actress and voyager. 

Reproduced with permission from manishakoirala.me