Gwyneth Paltrow called getting divorced as ‘conscious uncoupling’ but that was 2014, it is still ‘irreconcilable differences’ as far as Jolie-Pitt affair goes. So at the fag end of an emotionally draining year, of witnessing heartbreaks and having to deal with them, of sealing the fate of many marriages like an undertaker, I thought let me write about it.
And no, this post is not about the utility of getting married but more about the urban landscape and this myth called ‘Love’.
Love has become an ‘urban legend’ in this era of social media. Flooded with picture-perfect couples and their holidays, candlelit dinners, the mushy-gushy stuff.. the ending of every comment with a kiss just to ensure that love between two people is rightly displayed.. Scratch the surface and you will find that it is just a nonsensical display of love which is dying a slow death. I know this for a fact because of the ‘Been there, Done that Syndrome’.
I am not a cynic, I believe in the truly-madly-deeply-type-of-love.. I don’t know any other kind. I am a sucker for old-fashioned love but sadly it doesn’t exist anymore.
The kind of love that exists, includes cheating of a different kind. It may be checking your Facebook feed first thing in morning, poking your nose in what others were up to while you were sleeping, instead of sending a Hi! to your significant other to tell them they are first on your mind. I am not trying to drive home a point that one should do this… all I am saying is that the levels of distraction in a relationship have increased manifold.
This brings me to the point of ‘breakup’ and ‘survival’. It is human instinct to try and cling to whatever little we can hold on to when a relationship is about to breakup. So the fact that staying friends on Facebook works but little does one realize that it’s timeline will betray us some day when the photo of our ex-significant other will pop up with their latest significant other, ruining friendship with the ex forever. Believe me when I say, we all have a jealous bone in our body.
A Ted talk I heard on vulnerability some time ago, talked about how we have to let ourselves be vulnerable in order for us to be strong. I believe in that. I have let myself be vulnerable and then seen myself emerge stronger. Vulnerability is a strength and nothing to be ashamed of.
So is love a myth and ‘One-true-love’ a lie?
The truth is, we all need love! And interestingly we all get it too but it comes with an expiry date. So what do you do when you know that the shelf date of love with a specific significant other is over? Do you stick around because you can’t hurt that person and start searching for answers for the inevitable questioning ‘what is wrong with me?’ Or do you walk out and let life be? Staying in a relationship for the wrong reasons is more damaging than walking out of it. Most of us stay in a relationship because we want the other person to walk out on us, to be the stronger person and since that rarely happens… sadly, love dies a slow death. (A question of relevance here is to examine internally if we worked on our relationship so as to not expedite the expiry date. The truth is walking out may be easier for some because they don’t want to stay and make it work.)
And no, I am not saying it because I am a lawyer and trying to push my agenda for divorce to increase clientele. I still find divorce cases to be most draining because they are all about heartbreak and ‘I thought we would be together forever’. And no, I am not telling you to love-yourself-first and then find love. That’s too outdated because the urban landscape is all about self-love and selfies.
I am saying this because life is short and love is real. There is no magical wand that can make it appear on your doorstep or let it stay till-death-do-us-part. And yes, there are many more loves than the ‘one-true-love’. So, at the start of 2017, I would really like to remind you – the world has seen many legends so far, love as an urban legend is just one of them. Move on! Don’t let non-existing love hold you back.
Until next time!
DISCLAIMER: This piece is not for the happy-in-love or happily-married people, they are requested to kindly ignore.
About: Pallavi Pratap is a lawyer practicing in Hon’ble Supreme Court of India.