That funny thing called ‘marriage’


The timing could not have been perfect. Sometimes I wonder if God has these little people working for him who only work on the algorithm of timing and how certain news should be broken in one’s life- good, bad or ugly. I have few people who I like because of the manner in which they speak, write or have this cohesiveness of thoughts and above all command over a language, in this case – Hindi. One such friend, a fellow lawyer and an activist, is getting married and had sent a beautiful invite in hindi, inviting me to his marriage (come to think of it, maybe I just bullied him into inviting me over).

A chance meeting in the Supreme Court canteen with this friend and prying questions ensued on how the ‘love’ happened. The story was beautiful and as we discussed about how it was so important to be able to find someone who you have common interests with, my phone rang. It was my lawyer who was tackling my divorce case. This is why I was referring to timing. God and those little people making sure the timing was perfect. As I struggled to come to terms with the information on my phone and then trying to secure straight face and be back in the conversation regarding love and marriage, I couldn’t help but wonder if there was a formula for entering into a successful wedded life?

Over lunch when I met a very close friend (who has been divorced for, now, many years), the question still remained; was there a formula for a happy married life? He got married at a young age of 21 years, a love marriage, literally grew up together, yet drifted apart, after being together for some 15-16 years. He believed that it was never the fault of just one person but both. There were always many things, which were left unsaid, and then things said which were never even meant, but spoken frivolously. As per him, a relationship was successful only when there was give and take. It could not necessarily survive on give only or take only.

In India, there is a rise in infertility. A lot of couples are infertile and due to the treatments that one goes through and the emotional turmoil that one suffers, the constant pressure from the society and family, marriage is often put to test. I am yet to come across a couple who has been infertile, yet has reconciled with the fact and built up a beautiful life around it.

Which brings me to my next question, is a child really cementing the bond that a couple has or is it like a cage in which you get trapped and for want of a better future for your child, stay in a bad marriage. I have examples on either side. There are murkier custody battles, maintenance and alimony related fights and then there are silent battles that are fought within the framework of marriage. But, to each his/her own.

For whatever reasons, a marriage is a marriage. I am not skeptical of marriages or averse to the very idea. One may end up with the most fabulous partner and yet they may grow into very different individuals. And then there may be two very different individuals with extremely diverse likings and yet, be deeply in love with each other. I think it’s all about luck and how much both the partners are willing to work on their marriage, to make it healthy and beautiful. It takes a lot of strength to stay in a marriage and make it work and it requires equally, strength of character to walk out of an ugly one and say enough is enough.

My good wishes to everyone who enters this pious relationship, from the bottom of my heart, I wish you have the most blessed union. And to the ones who are looking to start a new lease of life sans the ‘blessed union’, remember, God and his tiny minions are also working on ensuring that timing is perfect for all good things to happen too!



About the author:

pallavi pratap

Pallavi Pratap is an Advocate practicing in the Hon’ble Supreme Court of India. She lives in New Delhi and when not in court, can often be found in gyms, Lodi Gardens or reading in coffee shops.


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